January 2009
Just woke up from a nap at my desk. I'm so good at...
Bummer sauce
I am no longer going to Coachella. I’m actually sort of relieved. Shit happens in this life and you make plans, but then you get in two car accidents and insurance tries to fuck you over and over and you stare at your bank account and wonder, “how did I get here?” and finally after careful consideration you realize it’s just too much. There’s some gems in the line-up...
Man of Mystery
(scene - Casey Moore's, last night, front entrance patio)
Courtney: (to a man on the stairs in front of the inside bar) Criss Angel! Criss Angel!
Me: Whaa?
Jonathan: That guy on the stairs. He looks like Criss Angel. He knows it, he owns it. He is a man of mystery, that one.
Me: I think he looks more like Shane from the L Word.
Courtney: My dad loves your show Criss!
Jonathan: He's always there, standing on the stairs, just smoking. See, look, there's his cigarette. He wears black. He waits.
Me: Maverick.
“She just fell…then she said she apparently puked all over Dave’s shoes, tried to...”
– I love my friends
Old people e-mails
I always get these lame chain e-mails at work that are like, “You know you’re grown up when…” then lists things that sometimes actually apply to me, including such ditties as:
“I just can’t drink like I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink again.”
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
You’re the one calling the...
get this girl a vacation
Krystal: Ok sweet
Me: i need some stronger drunks methinks
Krystal: you mean drugs? hahah
Me: yes, thats what i meant.
“She’ll loan you her toothbrush, she’ll bartend your party”
haha I talk crazy when I'm tired
jes: have you ever been to bandaids?
me: the strip club?
meesh: i've always wanted to go there, but i'm afraid somebody is going to jump out and stab me with a heroin needle, and give me AIDS.. oh look, there's Edible Arrangements!
“To make ends meet around here, I’m gonna have to push a shit ton of...”
– Krystal
Minus those ducks around his neck
He can’t help it. He’s a Republican.
“I want The Devil’s Rejects soundtrack. Rob Zombie has good taste in music.”
“I stabbed my wife in the pussy”
– The Wackness HAHAHA my parents were cracking up
RANT
This censorship of Britney Spears is fucking bullshit. The song “If You Seek Amy” isn’t even saying fuck. It spells fuck me, but it doesn’t say it. “Lollipop” is downright graphic but they play the shit out of that song. I hate Britney Spears as a person, but her music is fun as shit to dance to when I’m hammered out with my gays, so I don’t...